The Illusion of Duality

Oil on canvas board

11″ x 14″

Wed, September 24, 2025

I was hiking in the woods; I heard a noise and saw a dear staring right at me from some bushes across a stream. Our eyes locked and neither of us moved. It was like looking in a mirror. After a few moments I moved, and the deer turned and ran back into the woods.

Late one night after an amazing evening with two of my closest friends I excused myself, put on Motorhead and painted this picture.

Even as I painted, I knew something was coming but I didn’t prepare myself, I just watched.

Heaven can turn to hell so quickly it’s hard to know where you really are. Friends become strangers. Love turns to hate. It all can happen in the blink of an eye when a dream turns into a nightmare. 

Whenever I find myself crawling out of a train wreck, I ask myself how it could have happened. But when I look back, I realize I knew exactly why the train flew off the tracks. I saw the signs—I expected the crash—but I chose to ignore them because my heart didn’t want to accept the truth: my nightmare was coming true. If only I had done this or that, maybe everyone could have been spared the heartache and misery. And because it was my nightmare, I can’t help but feel responsible.

My life was consumed by grief. I didn’t sleep for more than 5 or 6 hours a night. My health suffered. It’s a very unusual type of agony. It hurt to be alive. Sometimes when you need people the most you find yourself completely alone.

This painting is about the illusion of duality. The young deer wild and free living in harmony with nature. The human skull lying dead on the ground overcome by time. I am the deer and that’s my skull in the dirt.